


Catharsis

by Fulcrumisthebomb



Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 02 Spoilers, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 07:35:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/821691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fulcrumisthebomb/pseuds/Fulcrumisthebomb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>((spoilers for TFP Season 2 finale/Season3))</p><p>Optimus is alive, Team Prime is together again; but Ratchet's guilt is in overdrive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> I love using fanfiction to insert scenes I believe are left out of canon. \o/

I was only vaguely aware of the door opening, followed by unusually careful tread. All I registered was one second I was so tired I couldn't drop into recharge; the next, my salvation stood before me. Without warning I wrapped my arms around Ratchet's chassis and pressed my face to the warm metal.

"Optimus, _stop._ "

Those weren't unfamiliar words; Ratchet often spoke them either in jest or as an embarrassed protest if I showed affection beyond the privacy of a locked door. But now his hands were pushing at me, struggling against my weary grasp. I let him move away, compromising by keeping his hands in mine. Tension crackled in his tightly packed energy field, his optics as dim as mine from exhaustion.

"What worries you, Ratchet?" I asked quietly. To my surprise, his proud stance drooped at my question, cycling a harsh sigh.

"I'm sorry."

I froze, optics wide as I stared. That was an extremely rare phrase to hear, especially from my beloved medic. "Ratchet, I... don't understand."

"I know." Ratchet shifted nervously, turning his hand over to grip my own instead. "I have taken advantage of you, Optimus. Not once, or twice; for _vorns,_ and it _frightens_ me."

Stunned, I was unable to vocalize a protest before he continued, his words tightly chained in an emotive rush.

"You never ask for anything, nothing personal for yourself. You _never_ have; it's simply who you are, and I realized that soon after we met. I promised myself I would never abuse that aspect of your personality; that I would never take and not reciprocate in equal measure."

"You have _never-,_ " I began, but snapped my mouth shut when his field flared with anger.

"But there are things you want, and your desire is betrayed by your frame's language. The lower register of your voice, the intensity of your optics when you speak to me, the way you stand submissively behind and to my right, the way you touch your chassis and waist with 14% more frequency. There are numerous signs you display when you simply _want,_ not need, and I committed them all to memory."

I pulled my arm in, slowly drawing him closer again as I listened. Did I really do those things? How fascinating that he had cataloged such minute changes in my behavior.

"I did that so I would know, so you wouldn't have to ask," he continued, optics darting in agitation everywhere about the room but my own gaze. "But there have been times- Optimus, I've seen and understood your needs and- and ignored them, too focused on work, too busy, too tired-,"

" _Ratchet,_ " I chided, but his free hand came up, covering my mouth firmly.

"Let me finish."

I nodded silently, instinctively leaning into his touch.

"I have- I have prioritized non-critical objectives and actions above your desires," he whispered brokenly, the sad warble in his voice sparking a burning ache in my spark. "I have, simply put, ignored you for my _own benefit,_ and that is _unforgivable_ and I cannot- I cannot fathom how I ever deemed that acceptable."

I exvented loudly, tugging Ratchet forward to fall into my lap, quickly arranging him to how he preferred to rest against me. He cursed and frowned, pushing futilely against my grasp as I pressed my forehead against his. " _Please_ tell me what began such a destructive thought?"

A short, tense pause, which told me as much about him as he did himself. "A taste of my own medicine, as the humans say. You have been overly tired and innocently missed my cues with good reason, whereas I intentionally have given you such treatment in the past and I am- _ashamed._ " His frame shivered with the confession, startling me by gripping my face desperately. "The adage is true; you do not know what you possess until it is yours no longer. When I thought you were permanently offline, I- All I could think about was how selfish I am, how _self-absorbed_ I am without even realizing it! I took you for granted and I- I-,"

His voice finally dissolved into static, leaning into me roughly as he clutched me to his chassis. I whispered soothing nonsense into his audial as I let his anguish wash through our fields, his stuttered sobs muffled against my neck. My fingers rubbed circles under the edges of his armor, easing what tension I could find. It was difficult to keep my own worry from mixing with his; he needed no added stress beyond what he so easily generated for himself. When he quieted a few kliks later and began pushing to move away I didn't let him, holding him close.

"My dear Ratchet," I murmured against his audial- and that was cheating, really, his audials were so finely tuned- "Everything about our bond has made me stronger. I have never witnessed you behave in such an entitled manner, nor do I believe you ever would maliciously. You are of the medic caste; your prioritization is the basis for your very coding, and I have always felt so privileged to be ranked so high in yours. You _empower_ me, Ratchet. You have never diminished me, in any conceivable way."

He finally broke my hold, though leaning back only far enough to look at me with cleanser-streaked optics. His vocalizer rebooted with a soft _click-whirr_ before he spoke. "Thank you. I... needed to say that, or I was going to internally combust."

I huffed a gentle laugh, pleased to see his mouth tug into a semblance of a smile. "I could not face the cycles ahead without you."

Ratchet sobered quickly, his optics overly bright as he pressed a hot kiss to my brow. "I _know_ I can't. Promise me, Optimus, that you will not force me to leave your side again. I would rather die beside you than live alone. _Don't,_ " he added when I opened my mouth, "because I _know._ "

Unwilling to press upon an unknown amount of pain he still carried in his processor, I merely nodded as I slid further into my berth, dragging him down to lay beside me. "It is unfair to make such a request, but my dear Ratchet..." I cradled his head against my neck where he had always fit so perfectly, "I will not send you from my side again. I cannot refuse you anything, you know."

"I should use that more often," he muttered, sleepy static softening his threat. "Can you recharge now?"

I smiled as I shuttered my optics. "You were remotely watching my vitals again, weren't you?"

His hand gripped the edge of my chassis possessively. "Always."


End file.
